A Long and Lonely Night
“Hello my love,”
Said the crow to the dove
“What a wonderful day it is to be alive!”
The dove ruffled its feathers
And shuffled its feet
And there it said it goodbyes.
It’s a poem of mine. Pointless, but I couldn’t think of a better greeting so yeah. Hai. 
Ah I love Phantom… it’s soo good. It may not make sense at parts (like how the candle holders magically move out of the way when Christine and Erik are in the catacombs, or how her makeup changes so quickly) but oh how I love it. The music is much like my beloved symphonic metal, and the actors are well chosen. Fletcher pointed out the other day that I look like Emmy Rossum (the girl who plays Christine). I’m positively tickled, especially since I can see the semblance! Did you know Ms. Rossum writes poetry, like me? I’ve searched high and low but can’t find any online sadly. I’d love to compare our styles and subjects.
So sorry, I had to get that out of my system… XD
The past few days have struck me like a whirlwind, but where to start? I’ve often heard the beginning is the best spot. Two days before Christmas I spent the whole day helping my uncle fix things around the house. It’s more run down than we thought. As annoying as he may be, he has fixed my closet, my sister’s closet, the sprinkler system, the garage door, the kitchen sink, and other things. Christmas Eve could have been better. I spent the day with my uncle, doing nothing really. My mom was at work, my sister with Dad. I was just grateful to have someone with me, otherwise… well, I would have been miserable. That night when my mom got home, none of the movies we wanted to see were out so we didn’t get to do that. We wanted to eat out at BJ’s but it ended up closing early. So, we ate Christmas dinner at Denny’s. It was a bit pathetic I admit and Mom felt rather bad about it, but I was okay with it. As for Christmas day…. we talked to my grandparents in Jupiter (Florida, that is) and opened the presents from them. Overall, I got:
DVDs: Edward Scissorhands and Phantom of the Opera (which I am currently watching)
Books: Collected Works of Jane Austen, Under the Dome by Stephen King, The Color Purple by Alice Walker Eragon’s Guide To Alagaesia by Eragon (;D)
Music: A collection of music from the finest musicals, The Nightmare Before Christmas soundtrack, and the latest Paramore and Susan Boyle albums.
Amongst other things were an 8gb ipod and a down pillow, both of these being my favorites. I had a down pillow years ago when I was small, until it was “lost” 5 years ago. As for the ipod, I had one last year but it was lost. I’m awfully fond of Phantom of the Opera though.
Later that day we went to my mother’s cousin’s house (No, not the one I went to for Thanksgiving. My mother has two, and this was the other). There was the same group of people and the same cooks, so as you can imagine the warm fuzziness was the same as Thanksgiving. There was still a cold in me, one that can only be warmed by one person… a coldness that will be explained later. We later exchanged white elephant gifts. At first I got two barbies, a mermaid and another with pink hair. I later exchanged them for a lovely red and black silk bag, it’s beautifully crafted. The following days haven’t been so eventful; I’ve just been helping my uncle fix things around the house, playing with my ipod, etc. I’ve read a tiny bit of The Color Purple. It’s very good but I would only recommend it to someone very mature.
On the night of the 27th, I saw Sherlock Holmes. A fabulous movie it was, I loved it! It was a unique adaption of Holmes, with much more action and romance. Normally, I may frown on this but it only accentuated the story, putting other stories that pepper those elements to shame. You have to follow it closely, it requires much thinking but nevertheless it was still very good. I hope and bet they will make a sequel….
After we saw that we went to the cheesecake factory, where I only got a glass of milk. I had gone there the other day with my uncle, and my appetite wasn’t really there. Although today it was certainly revived; I had all sorts of odd cravings, and acted on them gluttonously. What else did I do today hmm… not really much…. my uncle left an hour ago. It was bittersweet. He acts like a fat, greedy little boy at times and at others he is kind, and even charming. Either way, I’m grateful for all the fixing up he did aroung the house. It’s quiet again, and lonelier; I hate that feeling when company leaves. I need something or someone to focus on, or I tend to think too much… and I’m starting to find that thinking is not always good.
You see, for several days I thought long and hard on my current status with Mystery Guy. I longed for him, I wanted to change it, I wanted to go back to the way it was, I wanted more. In other words, I was Bella trying to bend Edward’s rules.
I was mad enough on Christmas Eve to ask Mystery Guy why we couldn’t be in a relationship. I honestly didn’t understand and still don’t, not completely. My Mom doesn’t. And he’s done a few things that make him look real shitty in my mom’s eyes (like not mailing my Christmas package when he said he would a month ago). I wish he would have told me wasn’t going to send it, instead of leaving me to wonder. It would have been kinder…. anyways, his response was that he was worried my age (which didn’t matter previously) he didn’t like living his life longing for something he was so far away from. At first I was furious, almost violently. After all, the Mystery Guy I knew had me 1st on his priority list, dreamed of me when he slept, and said many grand things. Is all of that lies now? Plus, he didn’t like the longing… the longing I had and would so willingly endure. But then again, I’ve always been well acquainted with longing even when I was small. If anything, longing has become a friend of mine. But none of it made sense to me.
I seriously thought of some of the most awful things to do or say, just to hurt him…. things that would hurt my friends too. Then for a time, I was afraid.
He wasn’t acting like the Guy I knew, the Guy I was so afraid of losing, the Guy I thought was just a dream. So I was also hurt and I still am if the wound is prodded at enough. Time has subdued these emotions as well as others. In fact, for the first time I can remember I am going to embrace reality. Reality tells me that if I really want him, I will have to do this the hard way. I will have to wait. I graduate in 894 days, and I would like for him to be there. If not then, when I am out of college. This is going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I never was a patient soul. But I’ll do it, for him. I don’t remember if I told him but I do know that I have told others that I would wait a thousand days to be in his arms for one. And I intend to keep my word, even if it kills me. You may think of me as mad, or hopeless -maybe I am- but if so, I intend to stay mad for the rest of my life. As long as he will still have me… and if he falls for another, all I ask is for him to tell me, so I don’t find out another, harder way.
Mewzik: Susan Boyle’s Wild Horses is amazing. Perhaps it’s because it has personal meaning, but it’s currently my favorite song. My obsessong, if you will.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGytm13sbIE
Speak your mind, spread the love, and blessed be,
~Emma R.
P.S. If you wish to see, here are pictures from the cookie party.
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2043405&id=1458784732&l=ecaa161c5d
